Sunday, April 30, 2017

Z is for Zed

Z is for Zed, the end of the alphabet. Earlier this year I read Tolkien's The Fellowship of the Ring and read this poem that I want read at the end of my life.

I sit beside the fire and think
of all that I have seen,
of meadow-flowers and butterflies
In summers that have been; 

Of yellow leaves and gossamer
in autumns that there were,
with morning mist and silver sun
and wind upon my hair. 

I sit beside the fire and think
of how the world will be
when winter comes without a spring
that I shall ever see. 

For still there are so many things
that I have never seen:
in every wood in every spring
there is a different green. 

I sit beside the fire and think
of people long ago,
and people who will see a world
that I shall never know. 

But all the while I sit and think
of times there were before,
I listen for returning feet
and voices at the door.

Saturday, April 29, 2017

Y is for Yet

Y is for Yet as in I haven't done <fill in the blank> YET. And while I no longer beat myself up over the past I do want to find balance with being here now and looking back to see what happened. If there's time I'd like to maybe actually do one or two of the things I think I want to do or maybe just discern what that is. 

Bonus word: Y is for Yesterday at the Radiant Recovery Community Forum.

X is for the eXamined life

"The unexamined life is not worth living" Socrates
Most of the time I agree with Socrates' quote. I believe getting into addiction recovery offered me an invitation to lead an examined life. I also believe it's a worthy endeavor. And it's unsettling. And once you start, it's hard if not impossible to return to one's previous oblivious life.
Granted I'm only speaking for myself. I was raised in a world where free though was not encouraged. It was a world of following the rules and acting as one should in order to be good and accepted in the group. As I got older and started questioning the rules I was so frightened of the consequences I tried to make that world even smaller with more rules to follow so I could be ok. Eventually I couldn't do it anymore and just numbed out with sugar and silence.
Then I tried doing the 7 Steps of the Radiant Recovery program as outlined in the book Potatoes Not Prozac by Kathleen DesMaisons. I connected with the Radiant Recovery online community and a year after quitting sugar went to my first seminar (Radiant Ranch). At Ranch I dared to whisper to the universe (as I had stopped trusting the god of my youth) that I wanted to have a life filled with passion and joy. Being steady with the food and more balanced in my brain I was able to begin examining my life and changing what didn't fit.
And it goes on. I have most recently been nudged to examine how the god of my youth might fit in my life. This is 30 years coming and 15+ years into doing the food. and 12 years since my whisper to the universe at Ranch. So, yes, it takes time and is ongoing.
I admit there are times I long to go back to the simplicity and mindlessness of the unexamined life. That is a sure sign that my program is off. My big danger danger signal. And I ask myself "Is the examined life worth it?" Absolutely! is my answer.
I cross posted today so no bonus word.

Thursday, April 27, 2017

W is for Writing prompts

I realized along about letter E that what I'm doing here is making myself a list of writing prompts. If my goal is to have a regular writing practice, I need something to write about. In writing my story I haven't know where to start or what exactly to write about. Now I will have 26 topics to expand on. Fifty-one if I count what I've posted at the Radiant Recovery site (there was one duplicate, I think) Whether I keep up with writing regularly without this outside push remains to be seen.

Bonus Word: W is for Waiting at the Radiant Recovery Community Forum.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

V is for Vulnerability

This is one of those concepts that I struggle with. Right there in the same box with surrender and grace and unconditional love. All related I'm betting like threads woven together. Wool threads, woven together and felted. So tightly bound that if I can touch just one, all will be revealed.

I mean being vulnerable means being open to attack. Being willing to receive hurts in order to also receive blessings. It doesn't work both ways. It's also a matter of degree, I think. I'm open to this much (tiny bit) hurt so I get this much (equal tiny bit) blessing. Have to find the balance I can live with, that will be good enough. 

Except what if I want more than good enough? What if I want everything?

Bonus Word: don't know yet but it will be at the Radiant Recovery Community Forum.

U is for Ubiety

I was going to use ubiquitous which means being everywhere at the same time. Then I saw ubiety listed right before it in my trusty Webster's. Ubiety: the condition of being in a particular  place. So basically the opposite of  ubiquity. So one wonders why ubiquitous is a commonly known word and ubiety is now considered rare?

I like the idea of being in a particular place. Makes me think of mindfulness. Be here now. It is what it is. 

Bonus Word: U is for Unique at the Radiant Recovery Community Forum.