F is for Faith

George Michael was singing Faith when I turned on the radio a few minutes ago. I know a sign when I hear one so F is for Faith. I'm sitting here asking myself, "what do I have faith in?" The second sentence (yes I'm counting) implies I have faith in signs. Do I? Can I believe in signs but not have faith in them? There are things I thought at one time I had faith in and there are things I want desperately to have faith in. 

I could also rephrase it by changing "I have" to "put my" in those sentences. "What do I put my faith in?" Same meaning? or different? Does it matter?

What I do know is if I am going to be able to embrace life, faith will be a necessary part of it.

Bonus word! F is for Frame at the Radiant Recovery Community Forum. Read it here

E is for Embrace

For a time I imagined that if I ever get a tattoo it will be the word Embrace.  Starting at the wrist, extending down or is it up? Not aligned with the edge of my palm but extended along the artery where I feel my pulse. A reminder of the lesson I believe I'm here in this lifetime to learn. I tend to meet life only at arm's length and I want to be closer.

Bonus word at the Radiant Recovery Community Forum. Read E is for Eating here

D is for Dialogue

Continuing the theme of the resistance and sabotage sisters...D is for Dialogue.

I took the conversation to a support group I'm part of at Radiant Recovery (the self-discovery / healing path where I've done much of my personal development over the past many years). One suggestion I received was to have a Dialogue with the sisters and see what comes up. Sounded like an interesting approach so I gave it a go. 

Since Sister Resistance is the instigator I started with her. I wrote a conversation. First I asked why she wanted to veg out with netflix. She said she was tired and wanted to be asleep. Tired of what? Of being awake. 

We kind of went in circles for a bit...

We covered old ground mostly but one interesting thing did happen. While she was speaking, a thought darted out so quickly I only glimpsed it before it ducked behind a corner. I felt a physical jolt. So I know a truth is there, a reason the sisters are here with me for now. 

The even better interesting thing is that conscious me is here, too. Where before, a cadre of voices was always at the ready to berate, belittle and judge me for my very existence I now have this voice of my conscious self that is kind and encouraging who nudges me forward to where I am more and more my potential, possible self.

I think I will continue to write a dialogue with the sisters and see if that true thought will come out in the light.

Bonus word at the Radiant Recovery Community Forum. D for Depression. Read it here 

C is for Choosing Consciousness

Choosing consciousness is how I deal with the resistance and sabotage sisters. Being aware, present, in the moment, intentional, mindful.

If I'm aware of the urge to be bad and aware that it's just an urge to resist and sabotage and aware that I always have a choice in what action to take, or not take as the case may be, then I get to make the choice that brings me closer to where I want to be. And if I choose to take a step away from that, well then, I get to be aware of that, too, and I get to be aware of the result and choose better next time. Or not.

Bonus word! C is for Carbs. Read about that here

B is for Being Bad

Let me preface today's thought. I have been on an intentional path of self improvement for many years. Yet I never seem to get to where I want to be even though in so many ways life is better. I am pretty darn great, actually.. The resistance and self sabotage sisters are never too far away, lurking around corners ready to pounce when I take another step out of my comfort zone. I grow despite the efforts of those two but without them progress would be so much more efficient, don't you think?

That said, B is for Being Bad.

The idea of Being Bad came yesterday while I was driving alone, as it often does. Being Bad as in let's stop at Sonic and get some ice cream. I don't actually want ice cream...or cookies...or candy...or whatever, Or when I sat down to write this, for instance, and the lure of vegging out with netflix sounded really good even though I "want" to write. I just want to Be Bad. Because by Being Bad I can straddle the line between reaching my full potential and staying where I am (or going in reverse).

Why the heck is it so scary to think about being all I can be?

Bonus word! B is for Breakfast and you can read about that here

Back again. A is for Action

 

As you can see, I've written not a word here since last year's Z. Therein lies the problem. I would like to be a person with a regular writing habit but my brain is not on board. Resistance is strong, willpower is not even a thing as far as I am concerned. I've had some success in the past with using small steps to instill a habit, so will use this A-to-Z Challenge to start a daily writing practice.

At least that's the plan.

So A is for taking Action. Taking a small step in the direction I want to go. A step small enough that my brain won't freak out. Stephen Guise in his book Mini Habits:Smaller Habits, Bigger Results refers to steps that "stupid small."  I like that. Stupid small.

I thought about making my daily goal 50 words, but don't laugh, that seems like a lot. So I counted the words in the first paragraph above and it's more than 50. Not so bad but counting words feels like a chore. There's five sentences. I can do 5 sentences. Of course I can write as much as I want, but I only have to write 5 sentences to be successful. Go, me! I can do this. 

Bonus word! A is for Addiction. Addiction to sugar to be exact. I've written about that here. 

This is the Community Forum at the Radiant Recovery the website of Kathleen DesMaisons, author of Potatoes not Prozac, The Sugar Addicts Total Recovery Program, Your Last Diet, and Little Sugar Addicts. These books changed my life. Doing the Radiant Recovery program saved it.